I feel like shit so depressed inside... i feel like i have no one to turn to

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

The more I look the more I think that I'm
Starting to disappear

 i don't where I am
And I don't really care
I look myself in eye
There's no-one there
I fall upon the earth
I call upon the air
But all I get is the same old vacant stare

Currently Listening Let Love In By The Goo Goo Dolls Better Days see related

I'm so unsure about things that I use to be so sure of. I use to be sure of my beliefs I use to be sure about my love... and I use to be sure about my relationship.. but now I'm not so sure about any of these things. I Feel that what's going on around me may just be a lie. I use to be a hopeless romantic and what a crock of bullshit that was. Now the guy that i might marry loves me to death...treats me great.. BUT doesn't think that I'm the one for him.. doesn't think that I'm his soul mate.. and better yet doesn't even believe in all that nonsense. And why the hell should I. He's right. It may-may not exist. why should I waste my time wondering if I'm with the "one" or if I will ever meet the "one". I use to be so sure that the one person that I would marry would be the one for me and there would be no doubt in my mind about it. But now I'm doubting if that belief really exists in this "big (fucking) world."

    I use to be so sure that if I knew anything in this world it would be about love. I have been through a lot of shit, I have had great loves, rebound relationships, i have had my heart stomped on and shattered, and I have gone through really-bad times and put up with a lot of bullshit . So I thought i was the Guru of LOVE. But damn I realized that its all just bullshit, none of it exists. I feel so unattached from everything that i thought was so true. I feel like the only person I can turn to and rely on is myself and I'm not even sure if I like myself right now. I'm not even sure if I want to get to know myself with out being that hopeless person who beliefs that love will prevail and in the great fight of good vs evil..that good will always triumph. I don't even know if I believe in fait and destiny any more. I need to sit down and re-evaluate myself.

    By definition the word love means strong affection-warn attachment-beloved person-feel affection for, enjoy greatly. There it is plain and simple. No where does it say that love is a feeling that may cause you great earth shattering pain or excitement.  It doesn't include the words SOUL MATE OR "THE ONE" so where the hell did I get this idea from. What dictionary states that love is an undying connection between two people who are linked by fait and are destined to be with each other forever?? 

<<off topic>>

     You know we make mistakes, its what's so "great" about being human.. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, what those mistakes are will vary. We may say things we don't mean, we may do things we don't really want to do. We may EVEN hurt people that we don't INTENTIONALLY  want to hurt i.e. the people we love. But it happens, and those mistakes we make may counteract other mistakes to occur, and so on. We all have regrets, and we all have those underlying moments that define us forever.  

I Wish you didnt love me
I wish youd make this easy
It was love that caught me
Now it's fear that keeps me with you
I want to be by your side
So I can close my eyes
To the growing emptiness inside that kills me
When I'm with you
You try to break me Try to hate me
So you can fall out of love
You want to make me believe that I'm crazy
That I'm nothing with out you

It's unbelievable but I believed you
Unforgivable but I forgave you
Insane what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you
Now I'm standing on my own
Alone

I feel you in my shadow
My heart feels cold and hollow
No matter where I run I see
Your eyes always follow me
You try to hold me
Try to own me
Keeping something that's not yours
You want to make me
Believe that I'm crazy
Make me think that you're the cure

It's unbelievable but I believed you
Unforgivable but I forgave you
Insane what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you
Now I'm standing on my own
Alone

You're still haunting me
In my sleep
You're all I see
But I can't go back
Cause I know it's wrong
For us to go on
And I'm growing strong
To confront my fears

It's unbelievable but I believed you
Unforgivable but I forgave you
Insane what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you
Now I'm standing on my own
Alone

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! YAY

iM 19 yEaRs YouNg!!

well my b-day was on the 17th and i spent it in Philly. I had fun seeing my family.. and today im celebrating with my friends.

so0o once again HAPPY B-DAY TO ME!! WOOT WOOT